


Space Dementia

by ThunderFrost2012



Series: Welcome to the (crazy) World of Huey, Dewey and Goofy! [2]
Category: Muse, Muse (Band), Music RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Bananas, Black Holes and Revelations Era, Commercials, Como, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Living Together, M/M, Parody, Please Don't Kill Me, Quiz Show - Freeform, Television Watching, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is STUPID, This is crazy, cartoon, ships-addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-20 20:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4800680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderFrost2012/pseuds/ThunderFrost2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spin-off of  'How did it come to this ? ' . There's no need to read the previous story to understand this one, since it's not a proper sequel. A gathering of short and very, very stupid one-shots that get worse and worse.<br/>The common thread is : Matthew and Dominic know that they have a satellite TV, but they insist watching the Italian TV.. and they watch a lot of it. Get ready for the consequences!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. L’accendiamo? ( aka Final Answer?)

**Author's Note:**

> Setting: Como. Spring/Summer 2007
> 
> Pairing: BellDom (of course!)
> 
> Genre: Comedy, parody, dementia, fluff, slice of life
> 
> Disclaimer : this could be the longest thing to read -> Matthew Bellamy and Dominic Howard DON'T belong to me (but they belong to each other , lol!) , I don't own Chris Wolstenholme, either.  
> I write only for fun, but also to prove the world how crazy, insane and dangerously demented my mind can be
> 
>  
> 
> There's no need to say that 'these ' Matthew and Dominic are a parody of the real ones. I love Muse with all my being, I respect them, I guess they are music genius (esp. Bellamy!) , but I can't resist the temptation of making fun of them a little bit, OK, maybe much more than a little bit. But even this one is a pure form of fan-love, lol.
> 
> Well , in this 'thing ' (C'mon, I can't call it a proper fanfiction!!) they could barely remind you to Beavis&Butt-head (of, course, Dom and Matt are much more gorgeous than them!!)
> 
> There are a lot of references to stuff of 2007, but don't worry, there's youtube to help!! ;) Anyway, since it's Italian stuff, I'll try my best to make you understand what I mean, but it won't be always so simple.. well, let's try!!

“Are you still watching it?” Dominic wonders, when he comes back home, after a very pleasant afternoon full of shopping around the richest boulevards in Como. He carries tons of shopping bags and grins widely.

The only answer he gets is Matthew gesturing him to shut up, bringing his finger to his lips. He does not even turn to look at Dom. He remains laying on the sofa, resting his elbow on the armrest with the hand on his temple.

“Could you please explain to me why you need me to shut up if you can’t understand a single word of what the quiz master is saying?” the blond makes Matt notice, as he puts his shopping bags on the floor and sits on the sofa next to Matt’s.

“Silence helps me concentrate better.” the brunet replies.

“You have no idea about what the question is! You can’t even read it!”

“It doesn’t matter. I know the answer, even if I can’t read it, either. The answer is ‘B’. You’ll see.”

 

They both observe the contestant as he takes his time to silently ponder, which is a clear sign that the question must be kind of difficult.

Then the man starts to pour out his reasoning, but obviously the two Englishmen can't understand a single word of his babbling.  
A bunch of minutes and a lot of eternal chatting later, the contestant says something and, as if by magic, the four options become two.

"See? Please notice, answer 'B' is still there." Matthew comments, pompously.

"It's only a coincidence. I bet one hundred pounds that the answer is 'D'." Dom challenges him.

"How many times do I have to remind you that here in Italy we use Euros? Whatever, we're going to play in Wembley in a month, so the pounds will come in handy. It's a deal!" he accepts.

"What makes you think that you'll win?" Dominic raises his eyebrow, in disbelief.

"I just know it." Matt smirks.

In the meantime, at the quiz-show the tension increases. After all, the jackpot that Matt and Dom can see on the screen is considerable and so that is why the contestant is about to give up and save what he earned so far, rather than risk and lose everything.

> the quiz master says in English, inviting him into the hazard.

 

It’s a sentence that he repeats very often which makes Matt and Dom feel more involved in the quiz-show, although they both would like to teach him a thing or two about its correct pronunciation.

Under the spell of that magic sentence, the contestant murmurs something and then he shuts up.

The quiz master asks him something in Italian that Matthew could swear is always the same sentence, at the end of every level.

The contestant nods and immediately after the box containing answer ‘B’ lights up and from grey turns to yellow.

After the quiz master’s waffle, which the two English viewers judge teasingly long, the highlighted box containing the answer turns green.

 

Since the very fist time they have watched that quiz show, Matthew and Dominic have figured out only one thing: if it turns green, it means that it’s the correct answer.

 

Another confirmation of that theory is the triumphant sound that goes with the change of colour of the answer, but mostly the huge grin that appears on the contestant’s features.

It’s the same huge, cocky grin that Matt is wearing.

“Well, well, in Wembley I’ll settle a score with you, my dear Mr. Now-I-Lack-one-Hundred-Pounds-In-My- Bank-Account!” he taunts the blond, rejoicing and raising his arms up, as a sign of victory.

“I can’t believe it. You guessed right even this time. How do you always manage to do that?” Dominic asks him, astonished.

“What can I say? It must be my sixth sense.” the singer shrugs.

“I hate you!” the drummer hisses.

“S’not true. You love me way too much to hate me.” the brunet strikes back.

 

The blond sticks his tongue out to Matt, before throwing a pillow at him.

 

Matthew laughs, ready to throw it back at his partner.

 

“Matthew?” Dom calls him, a moment later.

 

“Mm?”

 

“One fine day I’m going to make you enter that quiz show!”

 

\--

 

THE END


	2. The Banana's well-known wisdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter I for more info

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Please, look at the bottom for explanations about the Italian words you'll find inside the story. ;)

After tons of tour dates that follow one another, unrelentingly, all around Europe, there's no more beautiful thing than to come back home and enjoy some more than deserved quietness.

Dominic and Matthew know that very well, as they decide to spend a whole afternoon in total relax.

They didn't even unpack their stuff.

Dom walks towards his suitcase just to take a magazine from its pocket.  
He bought it at the duty free of Linate Airport, dragged by its title 'Quando La Chioma Chiama', which he didn’t understand but the cover and the images inside, with tons of exclusive hairstyles, convinced him to purchase it.

He's been skimming through its pages for at least a couple of hours, loving every male hairstyle his eyes met, as he can't wait to experience and make his lover experience them as well.  
He has also learned to pronounce, in questionable Italian, words such as hair, hair dye, hairdresser and highlights.  
Dom doesn't hesitate to share with his boyfriend what he has been learning.

However, Matt doesn't seem to pay much attention to him as he's absorbed in listening to one of his beloved albums with earphones, lying down on the floor.

"Mes-sa in pie-ga." Dominic laboriously reads, spelling it out loud on purpose.

Matthew gives in and takes the earphones off.

"Gee Dom, I got the bloody message. There's no need to flaunt so unashamedly that you're faster than me at learning Italian! Only in four months you have learnt so many more words than I've done in almost five years!" the brunet snaps as he turns the stereo off and decides to watch some TV, turning it on to the national channels that amuse him so much.

"But honey, the secret is to start from something you like so you're incited to learn it. So instead of grumbling, think about something you like and start learning Italian from that." the blond advises his partner tolerantly.

"I've already found something I like. As a matter of fact, I can say banana." the brunet strikes back.

"Gee it's such a big effort, isn't it? No fucking wonder! That word is the same in English." the blond makes him notice, resorting to a patience that he is going to lose.

"Nope, that's not right. The first 'a' is open, just like we say 'fun' or 'gun'." Matt corrects him, as if it was a matter of life or death and repeats that word to Dom, very slowly, to make him notice the difference.

Dominic changes his strategy and decides to go along with Matt.

"You're right Bells, this changes everything." he comments as he's about to go back to his reading, but something prevents that.

For the record, that 'something' is Matt who starts to fidget, convulsing, as he points to the television.

"DOOOOMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!! THERE'S A FAT BANANA THAT IS WORKING OOOOOOUT!!!" he screams, way too out loud.

Dom almost falls off the sofa but he manages to balance himself, recover and observe the television, realising with ill-concealed relief that his boyfriend has not become insane.

Actually, on the screen there's the cartoon of a banana that is running on a treadmill.

Matthew bursts out laughing madly as he starts to flick through the channels, wishing to see that commercial again and Dominic takes his own cue from that.

He gets up from the sofa and goes back to his suitcase, drawing out from its compartment a leopard print pocket-diary.

"Right. I should look for a Gym nearby," Dom thinks out loud as he takes note of that. "and you'd better follow me there!" He adds, turning to his boyfriend.

"No way, I'm already practising enough." Matt protests.

"Fresh news, Matthew: to raise the awards we win is not practise! Also, the fact that you spend hours on the treadmill I bought you is praiseworthy... if only you switched it on at least once!" the blond snaps.

"Okay, we'll go to a Gym." the brunet gives in before the television rewards him with what he's been waiting for, even more than what he expects.

"Doooooooooooooom! Now there's a customer banana with a beautician banana!" Matt exclaims as he goes into ecstasies, but at least this time he doesn't scream. It's an important achievement.

Dominic glances at the screen and opens his diary again.

"I also have got to go to a beautician." he says as he takes another note.

"Of course, because you need it, yeah. C'mon love, you are already beautiful, beyond possible!" Matt praises Dom as he stares at him with adoring eyes.

Dominic confines himself to thank him with a bright smile and a kiss that the blond blows to his lover.

"Yeah, that's true. Actually, I just pretend I need that kind of cure. So I give job to the people around me."

"My dear, altruistic Dommy!" Matt smiles at him, staying tuned to the previous channel and after a few other commercials, it proves to be the right choice.

"Dom! Now there's a banana that's having a sunbaaaath!" the brunet giggles, happy like a child.

This time, Dom doesn't even bother to look at the screen.

"Uh, right. I also need a sunbath." he takes note. "And you'll have one as well." he decides, turning to Matt.

"No way, I'm alright." Matt protests once again.

"You're so pale that compared to you, a vampire seems a Californian surfer!" Dom teases his partner.

"No, please, not again with the vampire remarks!" the other snorts.

"But you like it!" Dom insists.

"Only occasionally but right now I do not like it. However, you'll have your precious sunbath all alone. Period." Matt states resolutely, before reaching his lover on the sofa.

"Anyway, can't you see? Thanks to three commercials with bananas, you made three important decisions. Like I always say, there's a lot to learn from bananas." he changes the topic with a calmer tone as he wraps his arms around Dom's waist.

"What? Are you planning to write a song about that?" Dominic makes fun of him as he loses himself into his boyfriend's embrace.

"No bloody way." the singer replies as he caresses Dom's hair. "I was thinking about making a whole concept album about it!" he informs him.

Dominic jolts and lifts his gaze to peer at Matt.

"It's a joke, isn't it? Please Matthew, tell me it is a joke!" he implores his mate.

"Of course it's a joke, if only you could see your face right now!" the brunet dampens down, as he had burst out laughing.

"You almost gave me a heart-attack!" the blond grumbles, before calming down and relaxing into Matthew's arms.

\- Gee, why doesn't anyone understand me? 'The Banana's well-known wisdom' would be such a perfect title for the album... and I could already picture in my mind the lay-out... - the frontman thinks, a little bit disheartened.

 

\--  
THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's really absurd.
> 
> However, here's the commercials that drives 'this Matt' so crazy, lol (don't mind at the audio, it's just an Italian advertising saying ‘don’t you even dare to try if you weren’t born a …*that branded banana* ;) )
> 
>  
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt0I0Efb3h8 (commercial banana treadmil)
> 
>  
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjqgS1fEYkM&feature=related (commercial banana sunbath)
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cg0NZlDnOvk&feature=related (commercial banana beautician)
> 
> here's the explanations for the Italian Words:
> 
> \- 'Quando La Chioma Chiama ' literally means 'When Hair Calls ' , but it's a pun, it's like saying 'When Hair's on air ' ;) . Btw , this magazine DOESN'T exist at all!! :D
> 
> \- " Mes-sa in pie-ga. " , i.e. messa in piega means 'hairstyle ' ;)
> 
> That's all.
> 
> Hope you'll like it, but feel free to tell me everything. Even 'Quit, bloody quit it ' or 'Stop being so stupid ' is feedback, lol ! ^^
> 
>  
> 
> Don't miss next update, there will be one of the funniest shots ;)


	3. The diesel fuel (of Matt's dreams)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See chapter I for more info.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : this OS is 'very mean' towards poor Mattie, I'd like to explain that I know that the real Matt is not like that, not like that, not like that... *goes on repeating that and apologises with the weal Matthew*  
> Uh, wait. It's not that 'this' Dom is better * apologises with the real Dominic, too, and repeats he's not like that as well*
> 
>  
> 
> Before reading, to understand it all better, I guess you should watch this :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o0FzRzsrHg (Q8 commercial)
> 
> (in this commercial the first man says ‘good morning ‘ to his moody neighbour who replies the same, in a sarcastic way. And then, at the service station, he asks the clerk to give him the same thing his neighbour asked for… as the commercial voice talks about the reasons why you should choose that fuel to free the ‘real power ‘ of your car’s engine , simply! ^^ )
> 
>  
> 
> So now you saw this commercial with explanations… but what happens if our dear Matthew sees this commercial without it?
> 
>  
> 
> Check it out! ;)

"Dom, hurry up! You've been locked inside there for hours!" Matthew yells from downstairs.

"What can I say? I'm getting ready, properly!" Dom yells back from their bathroom.

"Getting ready for what? We are going to the Gym! And this was your idea, you, stubborn guy!" Matthew makes him notice, as he contemplates himself at the mirror, in his very sporty outfit: the football kit of the English national team.

"You never know what could happen, life is full of surprises. What if we met some paparazzi? I can't be messy, no bloody way!" the blond states, as he peeps out from the room, still half-dressed.

"Dominic, dear, you understood where we are going, didn't you? Hell yeah you're going to be messy there!" the brunet strikes back.

"Don't be so sure about that. I'm a resourceful guy. Now, let me finish, I'll be ready in a minute!" Dom insists, locking himself inside the bathroom again.

Matthew knows very well what Dom means with 'a minute', so in order to kill the time he resorts to the TV, hoping to find something that makes him rack his brain to figure out what's about.

He tunes it on a channel where there are commercials. More specifically, it’s a commercial where there’s a man who is putting his dog in the boot of his car.

There’s another man, the neighbour, with a face like thunder, inside his battered car.

 

The first man says something to the second one, but Matt can’t understand it, just like he can’t understand the moody reply from the rude man.

 

The English musician observes the first man as he sets his own car in motion which also sets something in motion in Matt’s mind.

As soon as the same thing happens even to the second man’s car, the singer has the absolute certainty of it.

 

“DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!” Matt shouts, controlling himself not to jump like a kid.

 

“I told you to wait…” the blond protests, but it’s useless, since the brunet places himself in front of him.

 

“I don’t care, there’s no time left. We must go. You have no idea about what I’ve just found out.” Matt cuts Dom off, hyper.

 

Dominic is still half dressed, wearing only shorts, but Matthew has foreseen it and he has the solution.

 

“Here, wear this so we can go!” he says as he puts on Dom one of his National English team t-shirts.

 

He’s about to drag Dom away with him, but the blond tugs his arm.

 

“Wait, why all this rush? However, there’s a thing I have to verify first,” the drummer informs his boyfriend, as he places himself in front of the mirror staring at his own refection inside the Rooney t-shirt. “Yeah, it fits me to a T. I’m awesome. OK, we can go to the Gym.” he states, following the guitarist.

 

“Forget the sodding Gym, we have more important stuff to do!” Matt blathers, taking his partner’s hand and rushing towards his Mercedes Benz.

 

“Matthew, what the hell is wrong with you?” Dom jumps aboard, a little bit scared, as Matthew puts himself at the wheels.

 

“Hold tight, we’re heading for Q8!” Matt informs him, as he goes into a lane.

 

“What is that? A Planet? Gee, Bells, quit with your obsession for aliens!” Dom rolls his eyes as he fastens his belt.

 

“Nope, no planets, it’s a service station, we just have got to find one. Once we are there, honey, we’ll find the diesel fuel of the future, you won’t believe your eyes!” Matt informs him as he presses the car throttle, taking advantage of the fact that the way is clear.

 

"OK, I haven't understood yet what it's going on," Dom states, calmly. "The only thing I know is that we're not in England, so, damn you, Bells, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? MAKE A BLOODY U-TURN!" he snaps nervously.

"Huh! You're right," Matt smiles at his boyfriend innocently, as he makes the U-turn before someone else makes him notice that though not as gently as Dom did. "You know, 'Policemen' is another word I learnt to say in Italian, very well." he confesses.

"No wonder why I'm not surprised at all!" the other grumbles.

Matthew manages to calm down, driving conscientiously and they wander around until Matt finally catches a glimpse of his craved service station, giving out a scream that almost seems an ultrasound.

 

The gasoline pump attendant on duty, a man around fifty years old, sees from afar two guys walking towards him, he can't help noticing they look somewhat familiar.  
He doesn't think that they are soccer players, although they do have football kits on, one of Lampard and the other of Rooney.  
The guy with the Lampard shirt speaks first and the attendant realises he's English. Lucky for him, he speaks English fluently.

Matthew is happy to find a man who understands their language.

"Fill it up, fill it up. Could you please fill it up?" he asks the man slightly agitated, giving him the money.

The attendant obliges, he keeps staring at them, trying to recall where he has already seen them until he remembers all the posters that cover his thirteen year old daughter's room.

He smiles to himself, picturing in his mind the moment when he brings his daughter their autographs. Too bad that one guy is missing.  
However, now he has a job to finish.

 

“Now you’ll see…” Matthew whispers to Dominic, as he observes the fuel tank being filled, but he’s really disappointed when, after the job is done, he sets his car in motion, but nothing happens.

 

“Excuse me, could you tell me what I did wrong?” Matthew asks the attendant, politely.

 

The older man stares at the brunet, puzzled.

 

“Excuse me, what do you mean, Sir?”

 

“Maybe it’s because there must be a dog inside the car, right? Well, I don’t have a dog, but I have Dominic!” the singer goes on, pointing at the blond who is still trying to figure out what it’s going on. “Besides, I also have got an unbearable neighbour, although now he is only god knows where making a movie.” Matthew goes on.

 

Instinctively, the clerk decides that it’s not a good idea to ask that crazy guy an autograph.

Maybe he will be luckier with the second guy, after all, he seems to be less disquieting.

 

“Oh, wait. I got it. It’s because I’ve got to sing the song, right? Okay, I can do it: I WANT IT ALL, I WANT IT ALL, I WANT IT ALL AND I WAAANT IT NOOOOOW “ the pianist realises and he starts singing loudly.

 

Dominic and the attendant stare at each other, confused.

 

“Excuse me, Sir, could you tell me what’s wrong with your friend? Why is he acting like that?” the clerk asks the blond.

 

“You know, man, usually I understand him pretty easily, but this time I have no bloody idea what’s wrong with him.” the drummer replies, at a complete loss.

 

“What’s wrong? I’ll tell you what. I put the bloody fuel in the bloody tank, but my car didn’t turn into a ship!” Matt complains.

 

Dominic is stunned.

 

“But… that’s only a commercial!” the attendant explains, shocked.

 

“That’s right,” the brunet nods, glad that he understood. “A commercial of the new fuel that turns cars into ships… and I want it!” he adds.

 

“So, is it true? Is there really a fuel that turns cars into ships?” Dom asks his mate for confirmation.

 

“That’s what I was trying to tell you.” the frontman smiles at him.

 

“That’s wonderful!” the blond rejoices, in jubilation. “It means that everything is possible, today cars that turn into ships… tomorrow machines that can turn back time!” he figures out, as he goes into ecstasies.

 

The clerk changes his mind about his previous intention to ask the blond an autograph, as he takes a deep breath, explaining to them how things really are.

 

“So… there will be no ship, right?” Matt asks for confirmation, ruefully and the older man reasserts that.

 

“ç°°°°*****]§§§&[gt %£!!!” Matt fires away.

“Matt, dear, try to repeat that with a more human speed, now.” Dominic patiently advises him, since, just like the attendant and every single human being in the whole world, he didn’t understand anything of what Matt has said.

“Why do you deceive poor people so badly? I mean, you could turn that sodding car into anything else: a train, an airplane, a camel but NOT a ship, never a ship. This is playing with people’s feelings, it’s so cruel!” Matt repeats slowly, but not less nervously, before going inside the car.

“He has got some points, after all. You should pay more attention, signal that, maybe even put a warning placard. This is not the way to behave, think about it, next time.” Dom states, before reaching his mate inside the car.

The clerk watch them leaving, dumbfounded. Now he’s not so sure anymore if he really wants to allow his daughter to go to their next Italian concert, in Verona.

 

“Mattie, I guess we should better avoid Italian television for a while, at least the commercials.” Dom recommends, on their way back home.

“You know better than me that we’re going to do that again and again… it’s a way too strong temptation!” the other grumbles, still upset.

“What if tonight I dressed up as a sailor? Would that cheer you up? You can dress up as an admiral, of course!” the drummer suggests, earning one of Matthew’s brightest smiles, as the singer stares at him with adoring eyes.

 

“Oh, Dommie, I love you so, so much!”

 

\--  
THE END


	4. Too bad you're not in a cartoon...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See part 1 for more info

It's a day at the beginning of August, although the weather doesn't give that impression.   
As a matter of fact, Como, more specifically Moltrasio, woke up under pouring, thick and persistent rain.

Even in the early afternoon, the weather conditions don't seem to improve.

Dominic and Matthew had plans for the day, plans that they are forced to delay, but they don't seem to mind at all.

The first guy falls back on the Italian TV, flaked out on the sofa as he flips through the channels, wishing to find a fashion show.

Instead, Matthew does something totally different.  
That thunderstorm seems to have awakened Matt's inspiration, so he decides to compose something, but to not isolate himself too much, he moved his piano into the living room.

After all, Dominic can't complain about the fact that he can't hear the television, since he can't understand it anyway. Besides, it's not that his boyfriend is playing loudly, quite the contrary, it's a very soft background.

Too bad that his boyfriend doesn't confine himself to playing only.

"You'll see, Dom, I'm on the right way, I can feel it. This is going to be something quiet, nostalgic and evocative, on the wake of 'Shine Acoustic'. Do you remember it? There was rain in that song, too." Matt comments, as he's busy taking notes on a sheet.

Dominic just nods, as he keeps flipping through the channels.

Matthew goes on playing and then he stops.

"That's it. Now we need to put something big, something colossal, with powered guitars and effects, tons of effects, something like taaa-daaam tatatata-dam-taaa- ta-dam!" the brunet hums in the last part, as he moves his hands frantically, accompanying what he's singing.

"Yes, Matty, this is such a good idea, then we'll let Chris now about it and we'll work on it." Dom goes along with him.

"Great! Besides, with the drums, you should do something very lively, something like this," the singer goes on, as he beats his thighs with his hands, with an engaging rhythm and then he beats two pens on the piano, just as if they were drumsticks.

Dominic passes a hand through his hair, frustrated.

"OK, Bells, maybe I'll think about it and fix something, what do you say?" he suggests, as he silently wonders when and if his boyfriend will ever learn to write a music paper.

"Alright. Now I' m going to work on the final bridge." Matthew announces, but when he turns to his mate, he finds the blond staring at the TV screen, with adoring eyes.

 

"Hey! What did you see so captivating?" the pianist asks the drummer.

 

"Oh, Maaaaaaaaaatt! Something amazing!" the blond replies, excited. "Come here, you've got to see it, you can go on with the song later." he invites his mate, patting the empty side of the sofa.

"Huh, Dom, I don't know if it's a good idea, I'd better avoid television, you remember what happened last time, don't you?" the brunet hesitates.

"Don't worry, Matt, there's no commercials, it's only a cartoon. We can't cause any damage with a cartoon, right?" the blonde reassures his boyfriend.

"Does it mean that you are watching a cartoon?" the brunet frowns.

"Yep, because I've just seen the one who already became my favourite superhero!" Dom explains, grinning madly.

 

“Really? More than Spiderman?”

 

“Spider who?” Dom chuckles. “Well, jokes apart, I guess that Spiderman can’t compare with him, and do you know why? Because this one is utterly pink. Matteh, did you understand? Pink. Hot pink! Come to see him!” the blond insists.

 

Matthew obliges, so he crouches close to his boyfriend, watching in the TV screen a clumsy, funny, fat character, all hot pink, indeed, which looks like a big bubble gum, with funny white, large pants and a purple cloak.

 

“Well, Dom, he doesn’t strike me as a superhero … that thing is spreading panic all around the town!” the brunet makes his mate notice, a few seconds later.

 

“Nope, he’s just flushing the villains out.” the drummer protests.

 

“But everybody is screaming!” the singer insists.

 

“Don’t mind at them, everyone has been screaming since when I’ve started watching it. Besides, do you see what colour he is? He just can’t be evil. He’s pink, he’s fattish and easy-going and he’s eating candies!” Dominic argues, since the topic seems to be dear to his heart.

 

“Yeah, too bad that those candies used to be people before!” Matthew points out.

It seems that the topic is dear to his heart as well.

 

“They must have been very bad people, then.” the other replies resolutely.

 

“I don’t think so, there were three kids, a couple of young lovers, an old geezer… uh, wait, you’re right, he’s really fighting the bad people.” Matt realises.

 

“See? Told you so. The real pain in the ass in this cartoon is that annoying dude who is fluctuating in the air and is staring at the pink dude in a threatening way.” the blond explains, pointing at the left corner of the screen, on top.

 

“Do you mean that extremely blond warrior, all muscular? Well, I don’t find him so annoying, quite the contrary, he reminds me of you, a little bit.” Matt winks at his partner, pinching his hip affectionately.

 

“You’re wrong, actually he was a brunet before, he wasn’t so muscular and his hair is pretty stupid. Wait. He reminds me of you!” Dom makes fun of Matt, mirroring his actions.

 

The frontman frowns, in confusion.

 

“What does it mean that he was a brunet before?”

 

“It means that his hair was brunet three minutes ago, then he started screaming madly, all concentrated and he’s changed.” Dominic explains, a little bothered, because Matthew is talking way too long and he can’t concentrate on the cartoon episode.

The drummer almost regrets calling the singer.

 

Matt keeps silent for a few minutes, all thoughtful, almost as if he’s about to have an epiphany.

 

“Does it mean that I can turn blond, without dying my hair, if I scream, all concentrated?” the frontman wonders, breaking his silence.

 

It seems that Dominic is going to seize the opportunity to get Matt out of the way for a while.

 

“Of course you can, but only if you’re really focused. It’s a matter of training. Why don’t you go out practising? ” he suggests the brunet.

 

“But... it’s raining cats and dogs!” the other makes Dom notice, puzzled.

 

“That’s even better, because it fortifies your spirit. It’s the perfect condition to reach the top of concentration.” the drummer states, with fake wisdom.

 

Fascinated by that perspective, Matt doesn’t waste any time and walks towards the terrace, in the pouring rain, he splays his legs a little bit, shifts his weight ahead, clenches his fists hard and starts to scream at the top of his lungs.

 

It’s been raining for hours, so he can’t be the cause of the storm, despite his nasty clamour.

 

Under cover, in the living room, Dom keeps watching television, peacefully.

 

The cartoon ends a few minutes after, just like when Matt’s screaming end as well.

 

“Doooooom, it’s useless, I can’t do that!” he complains from outside.

 

Rolling his eyes, exasperated, the blond has one main thought.

 

\- Why did I fall in love with such a moron? -

 

“Hey, Dommeh,” the brunet meows, a few seconds after, with a silky voice. “I was thinking… we’ve never made love in the pouring rain. Here no one can see us, but if someone did, it would be so exciting! Besides, I look damn sexy when I’m drenched to the bone, so I’m sure you will as well.” Matt keeps pleading.

 

\- That’s why I’m so hopelessly in love with him! - Dom gives himself the answer, smirking, as he reaches his mate, ready to enjoy a very, very, good time with him.

 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it’s weird, but there are some notes anyway:
> 
>  
> 
> \- Matt who composes in a rainy day is pure love!!!! And I LOVE ‘Shine Acoustinc ‘ so I just had to mention it sooner or later! <3
> 
>  
> 
> \- Dominic who watches cartoons is cute love!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Btw, the cartoon in question is Dragon Ball, which here in Italy you can find on schedule 24/7.
> 
> I don’t know if you know the cartoon. Anyway, the fact that everyone keeps screaming all time long is true, lol!
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, this is ‘this’ Dom’s new favourite Superhero (lol):
> 
>  
> 
> Majin Bu: http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090519101327/nonciclopedia/images/2/2d/Majinbu.jpg
> 
>  
> 
> And this is what ‘this’ Matthew was trying to do (lol!)
> 
>  
> 
> form brunet to blond transformation (aka when Goku turns in a SuperSayan) :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBZBeAG-Tbc&feature=related
> 
>  
> 
> I know, I know, I’m terrible with poor Matt! ;P
> 
>  
> 
> Did I amuse you? Please, let me know.
> 
>  
> 
> Did I bore you? Let me know anyway!


	5. (No more) money emergency!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> see part 1 for more info

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: craziness, fluff and.. hints of kinky stuff

"Tonight we're going to celebrate!" Dominic rejoices, as he and Matt leave their house.

"We've been celebrating since the tour break." Matt points out, as he sits himself behind the wheel.

"Yep, that's true. We had a fun four days in Paris, tomorrow we're leaving for Greece... but today we absolutely have to stay here! Month-anniversaries are better if we celebrate at home!" the blond smiles, sitting beside Matt and using the driving mirror to set his hair.

"Damn right. That's why I booked in the most beautiful restaurant that Como has to offer us, more than two months ago."

"Great! Because our eighth month together deserves to be celebrated better than the others."

"Why just the eighth month?"

"Eight. Just like the wonders of the world."

"There are seven wonders of the world!" the brunet corrects his partner, without losing sight of the road.

Hitting his own forehead with the palm of his hand, Dom laughs awkwardly.

"Let me think about it... that's it! Eight! Like the lives of a cat, which means that our relationships will survive everything. " Dom makes another attempt, after some minutes of silence.

"I have to admit that it's very poetic. Too bad that cats has nine lives!" Matt corrects Dom again, as he starts to warm to the idea.

"Huh, right. Well, at least now we have a reason to celebrate properly next month." Dom strikes back, a little upset.

"Alright. And before we find a reason for the seventh month that we've already celebrated. Anyway, my love, we don't need a reason to celebrate, do we?" his boyfriend smiles at the blond, placing a hand on Dom's leg , as he keeps driving.

"Of course we don't, but... right now it's a matter of principle! I'm going to find a good reason." Dom insists, without even smiling back at his mate.

Their trip goes on in deep silence, until, enlightened after all that thinking, Dom talks again.

"I got it!"

"What?"

 

"You were born on the 9th June, I was born on the 7th December. 9 and 7.. and 8 stays in the middle, can't you see? It's between you and me." the blond explains, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Matt can't help but grin back at Dom, excited as well.

"I like it. It's a deal, then: 8 will be our favourite number from now on!" .

"How much further is it? All that thinking made me so hungry!"

"Don't worry, we've almost arrived. Anyway, Dommeh, without puzzling over that, you already have a reason for loving this number." Matt informs him.

"Which one?"

"The eight ways we're going to celebrate it."

The lustful glint in Matthew's eyes is enough to fill Dom with hopes that are going to be satisfied.

"What eight ways?" Dom asks, intrigued.

"Well, the first one, the dinner... but since we haven't told the world about us yet, we'll have to confine to be only two friends who sit at the table and enjoy their dinner." Matt explains, a little bit disappointed.

"If the tablecloth is long enough to hide us from everyone's sight, well, be sure that I'll remind you properly that what's between us goes far beyond friendship!" Dom warns his boyfriend, his green-grey eyes gleaming with a sinful light.

"Huh, sounds good. Anyway, we'll make things right with the other seven ways: whipped cream, blindfolds, wax, shackles, ice cubes, horsewhips and... your beloved knife. You know, it wasn't so bad after all, quite the contrary. However, we’ll do all this stuff not necessary in this order!" the brunet informs the blond.

"Oh, God, Matteh! Eight ways for eight months!" Dom jumps on his neck, no matter if Matt is still driving, kissing him soundly before parting away from his boyfriend with a thoughtful expression.

"Dom, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was thinking about when we reach thirty months together to celebrate!" the blond replies, licking his lips.

This time it's Matthew who can't resist the urge to kiss him with a more forceful kiss.

"Well, you know I don't lack fantasy at all." Matt says, parting from him as he looks at him, mischievously. Concentrating on his parking he adds "However, luckily for us, we checked the news before going out, otherwise we'd make fools of ourselves."

"Right. By the way, before reaching the restaurant, we'd better check if we took everything. Well, I have the sand, the leaves and some sea shells." Dom comments.

 

"I have the sand, as well, plus some stones, some bottle tops and some petals, too." Matt replies.

"It's so odd. I mean, we leave for a few weeks and things here have changed so much."

"I find it such a fantastic idea, I'd never thought the Italian government would be so brilliant. Finally, we got rid of all these constrictions and futile dependence as money, welcome back, barter era!" the brunet speaks excitedly, gesticulating.

"You're right, it's going to be something epic!"

"You can say that again! Good thing that yesterday, when we came back, we watched television, all those so many continuous breaking news, the placards posted up everywhere..." the singer adds.

"Yep, that Vodafone is such a great broadcasting station, it's even better than CNN and BBC and it was the first and the only one to spread the news.. again and again."

"Of course they must keep on spreading it, think about all the Italian people on holiday, once they came back to their country, they have the right to know what's going on." Matt explains.

"Alright. So after this wave of fervour for the rebellion against the system, can we go or what?" Dom exhorts his lover, as they leave the car.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The dinner goes on in the best way ever, among chatting, toasts and much more, since the table cloth is long enough to allow the two lovers to carry out their kinky plans.

At the end, more than satisfied, they call the waitress who kindly assisted them all night long and ask her to bring them the bill.

She comes back to their table with a white sheet of paper inside a velvet, black folder.

After glancing at the paper, Dom and Matt search the pockets of their very showy jacket, black, with a white border for Dom, red and glittery for Matt.

They put on the table several sandbags and other weird stuff.

The waitress stares at them as if they came from Mars.

"What the hell are you doing?" she snaps.

"It seems obvious to me. We're paying the bill." Matt explains, very calmly.

"OK, I got it, it's not enough." Dom figures out, adding even two old plane tickets.

The waitress looks at them even more puzzled.

 

“But…”

 

“I got you, Don’t say anything more.” the frontman cuts her off, placing on the table one of his plectrums. “Here we go, this is a personal tip for you.” he adds, winking at her.

 

“Sweetie, I would give you also one of my drumsticks, but I left them home.” the drummer justifies, smiling at her as both him and Matthew get ready to leave their table.

 

“Hey! Don’t you dare take another step further! You two won’t leave until you pay!” the waitress roars.

 

Matt and Dom jolt, sitting back down.

 

“What do you mean? Didn’t you see the TV news lately?” Matt asks her, puzzled.

 

“If you mean the news about two insane people escaped from a madhouse, no, I must have missed that.” she strikes back, annoyed.

 

Dom and Matt exchange a doubtful look, as they start to get suspicious.

 

“Can we make a phone call?” the blond asks her, politely.

 

“You can do any bloody thing, just pay!”

 

Dom draws out his mobile and search for a certain number in his phonebook and calls it.

 

“Hey, Dom, let me guess, Matt and you are having a very good time, right?” Chris greets him, cheerfully.

 

“That was the plan, but now we’re calling you for another reason: can you confirm to us that here in Italy people don’t use money anymore?”

 

Dom listens to a deep and awkward silence.

 

“Is that a joke? Because it’s not funny at all!” Chris resumes speaking again, before Matt snatches Dom’s mobile from his hand and explains to Chris all the stuff they’ve seen.

 

After that, he activates the speakerphone.

 

“Did you say that they keep spreading the news on TV, right?” Chris asks his friend.

 

“Of course, they have to keep spreading such an important news!” Matt replies.

 

“And you said that there’s always a song as background whenever you see the news passing on TV.” Chris recalls.

 

“Yep, but it doesn’t count, here tons of television news have got music as background… anyway, I don’t listen to the news until the end, the first images are enough!” Matt explains.

 

“I can’t leave you alone for a while! Fuck, haven’t you realised yet that it’s only a commercial?”

 

“A commercial, you say. Well, now that I think better about it… it could be.” Matt mumbles, as he caresses his chin.

 

“No, Bells, it’s not that it could be, it bloody is!” the bassist snaps.

 

"OK, I understood, but... commercial of what?" the singer wonders, curiously.

"What?! I don't bloody know, I don't give a fuck about it. Gee, Bells, do you realise the situation Dom and you are in now?" his friend snaps. "So let me see if I got it straight, right now you don't have money with you, right?" he adds, with a calmer tone.

"No money at all, you know, Matt said it was better to get rid of it in order to get accustomed to the big change more easily." Dom informs him, as he glares at Matt.

"What do you mean you got rid of your money?" Chris asks them, very agitated.

"We don't mean it literally, after all, we came back here yesterday, we didn't have time for that. Plus, you know Matt, don't you? He thought it was the Government's idea, a good idea, nonetheless, that's why he didn't trust them completely, he was sure it wouldn't last. We still have our money, but not here... and the waitress isn't looking at us very friendly, you know." the blonde says, as worried as the brunet.

"OK, let me speak with her." Chris orders and his friends oblige.

"Good evening, I'm Chris Wolstenholme, sorry to bother you..."

"Oh, my God! Chris Wolstenholme!! From Muse?" the waitress cuts him off, squealing excitedly.

"Yeah, sure. After all, there with you there are the frontman and the drummer from Muse." he replies, a little confused.

"Gee, that's why I was sure I had already seen them somewhere and why they're so weird. You know, I barely consider them, you're my favourite one, I collect tons of your pictures, cut outs from group pictures, I love the way you sing, although they don't let you sing as much as you should. Besides, you're the main reason why I started playing bass. Oh, God, I can't believe I'm really talking with you!!!" she speaks more and more excitedly, as Dom and Matt stare at her dumbfounded.

"Thank you for all the beautiful things you said. Now could you please let me speak with the owner of the restaurant?" Chris asks her.

"I'm sorry, but my dad and mom aren't here, they are on holiday and left the administration to me."

\- Gee, I can't be anymore lucky! She's the owners' daughter. Maybe I can save this morons' asses without losing anything .-

"Well, I guess you're doing a marvellous job, before my friends came and ruined everything! But if you turn a blind eye to that, I'll be very, very grateful to you... so much that .. I don't know... I could even send to you and some friends of yours the tickets for our next show in Italy, with the free pass for the backstage? So you'll be able to tell me those beautiful things, face to face." he suggests her, with a silky voice.  
Feeling faint the girl finishes her conversation with Chris and gives the mobile back to his owner.

"You two can go, it's my treat for this time," she informs Matt and Dom, walking them towards the exit. "Anyway, I hope you'll realise that I don't want to see you in my restaurant anymore!" she adds bitterly, leaving.

"Hey, Chris, are you still there?" Dom asks.

"Of course, I couldn't miss the moment of my victory, could I?" the bassist replies, cockily.

"You were fantastic, you saved us!" Matt congratulates him.

“Really, we don’t know how to thank you.” the blond adds.

 

“We’ll discuss about that when we see again, in the States, on September, I’ll have all the time to think about the perfect revenge!” Chris threatens them.

 

“Well, buddy, the last time you took your revenge on us… Matt and I ended up together!” Dom reminds him.

 

“Argh! There’s no need to say that every bloody time. Anyway, it will be a completely different revenge!” the bassist assures.

 

“Too bad that this barter thing doesn’t exist … I could already picture our next concert here: people would pay us with… bananas!” Matt thinks out loud, melancholically

 

“Or hair spray!” Dom daydreams.

 

“Or beer!” escapes from Chris’ mouth. “No, wait, what the hell am I saying? Gee, you and your stupid ideas are contagious. However, now I gotta go, you owe me! Don’t forget that! I’ll start thinking about my revenge from tonight. Start trembling!” he warns them, before hanging up.

 

 

“I’ve got the feeling there’s going to be trouble.” Matt grumbles, worried.

 

“Do you mean trouble for September? You’d better start seeing trouble now!” Dom warns him with a threatening look.

 

His only answer, the brunet rushes towards his car, followed by the blond.

 

“Dommeh, c’mon, think about it. Do you really want us to fight because of such a stupid thing or.. do you want us to celebrate pwopewly?”

 

“OK, we’re gong to celebrate,” Dom decides, getting in the car with him. “But I gotta choose the first way: no one is going to save you from a nice dose of whips!” he threatens his boyfriend.

 

“You know that I’m happy even this way, don’t you?” Matt comments, pecking Dom’s mouth, before fastening his belt.

 

“Trust me, Matteh, I’m happier!”

 

\--

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, this surely was the craziest one.
> 
>  
> 
> here’s the one that ‘this ‘ Matt would call ‘breaking news ‘, lol, hope you’ll understand it (the commercial is about a mobile phone company and the voice basically says that this summer everything is totally free because with X rate you don’t pay for calls nor text messages for 2 months… )
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8vx9ECU9qk&NR=1
> 
>  
> 
> hope you had fun, but feel free to tell me everything.
> 
> p.s. The Christmas sequel will arrive soon, along with the update of 'Change... ' once my beta give it back to me :)

**Author's Note:**

> Fine. I can assure you that this stupid thing is the shortest of all the one-shots, but also the most serious, too, the one that Matt and Dom emerge from in the most decent way ever, lol!
> 
> Anyway, in case you didn’t figure out, it was about Matt and Dom watching the Italian version of ‘Who wants to be a millionaire? ‘.
> 
> Let’s say that this story is mostly a warning like ‘are you really sure that you want to read more of this absurd stuff? ‘
> 
> If you like it, please tell me, if you hate it, please tell me anyway!
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
